Punascha Hari Om

April 1, 2010

I started writing a weblog couple of years ago. When it was shown to my critics -bearing in mind that “what you get is what you write”- I learnt that it was profoundly personal and may be damaging when made public. I thought how can one not get personal when writing? I continued writing that blog, kept it secret. But I am now ready to bury that blog.

Now after two years, I have gathered enough courage to start again and grind the words in the wee hours.
Writing for me is very personal matter. I do not like anybody peeping over, entering my room or reading the half cast drafts. When it becomes impossible to maintain privacy, I just shut the flap. Or if I have an inkling that I may be disturbed, I just dont try to sit down to write.

I do not know how many writers go bust because they do not have a cell to bury in. I have gone many a times underground or out of the house for this seemingly silly reason. And it angers you a lot – being not able to write. If you are a celebrity, people value your vims. For a novice, who cares? So he/she remains novice all the time.

One also needs a comfortable seat, good subdued lighting and silence. to get into gear. If these conditions fail, my car does not start at all. No wonder Hollywood (and other woods) producers arrange for hotel rooms, sometimes in the height of snow in Swiss Alps or Canada, or Mahabaleshwar or Khandala in rainy season for the script writers/ poets.

All the seniors preach that you must write, write and write to discipline yourself and to refine your skills. Be it a busy bus stop, private toilet or a noisy living room, you must write for a good 7 – 8 hours everyday if you wish to be something, and wish to be noticed. It just does not work for me. To start with, you do not get those many hours of solitude. Starting from the MilkMan, NewsPaperMan etc. in the morning to unannounced neighbors in the late nights, sudden avalanche of relatives, friends of relatives and not to mention the reminders from Kitchen to eat hot and at a time convenient to the cook. You are fortunate if you get a few minutes every day, unless you wait till all the living beings including your spouse and parents are deep asleep and in no position to shake you up. Gone are the days when writers used to get mugs of hot coffee served at their writing table and an appreciative glance for writing a full 24 Hours non-stop. Neither we have a palatial mantion where we create a dark mahogany writing room cum library.

But you write. Because even if you do not, the plots and words and stanzas and para’s keep bumbling in the head – sometimes for years. Unless they get out on to paper or screen, how will you have your peace and salvation?

So you pray everyday that nobody will disturb you today and at least a few lettersnakelightenings will escape your grey mass and illuminate the darkness of ignorance (which is mainly your’s).

You say OK, here I am again at the altar and offer myself. You burn me or you lift me to heavens, I will write dear Fire. Let people make mockery and say that I am nothing. I shall suffer at my choice only because I know I am nothing, and I am full, but not because people tell me that I am.

Here I start again at the peril of my body and soul.


13 Responses to “Punascha Hari Om”

  1. Rajeev Says:

    @Rishikesh, you know it wont work. These are not personal grievances. I am trying to find out if others also face the same devils.

  2. Rishi Says:

    Well.. you do own a garage that will make a fantastic library.. we can get all the mahogany and sound proofing as well as add a bathroom for you.. what do you think?

  3. Nikhil Kardale Says:

    Its nice that you have started writing again.. and publishing too! You hit the nail on the head when you said that thoughts and ideas keep accumulating in the mind and soon the water starts flowing over the dam! Writing is a great way to avoid that.

    It would be good if you could also somehow publish the work which you are trying to bury. I mean, I understand that you might not want to because either its personal or it is critical of someone/something, but you can always rephrase the sentences and alter the context a little and suddenly it stops looking personal – at least that’s what I practice when sharing something related to me or my family.

    Anyways, I hope you soon find the solitude you are seeking, and we get to read more of your blog posts!

    • rajeevelkunchwar Says:

      Nikhil, You have to trash some of your creations, when you know they wont live. I dont think one ever gets solitude if he has a cranked mind.

      • Nikhil Kardale Says:

        ‘Trash some creations’ – in the commercial sense of the word – YES. Rules should be somewhat relaxed with respect to blogs; after all they are opinion-broadcasters, aren’t they!

        But I agree on the ‘cranked mind’ theory completely!

  4. Aditya Purandare Says:

    Good one mama..

    Expert comments!

    Looking forward to read more about various subjects in which you excel…

  5. satishkaka Says:

    Dear Raju

    This shows irritable mind.I think you have currently a very good writing room and as less destractions as possible.These shouldnt annoy you.Prepare yourself for such destractions,face them cheerfully and see the difference.
    You have to conquer your own devils so far as the subject matter of writing is concerned.

    — A very irritable non- writer Satish kaka

  6. Rajeev Says:

    Dear Satishkaka,
    Yes. Irritable mind like irritable bowel syndrome.
    This is the invisible side. Not displayed otherwise to others and does not affect day to day work or cheerfulness.
    And it is not personal. Applies to anybody and should raise questions.
    Question!! When are You starting to write? I am waiting for that since long time. With the flair you have, you can floor many an established ones.

  7. Ranjeet Elkunchwar Says:

    meant to comment earlier and did too..seems like it got “lost in (data) tranporation”. A great start. Bit dramatic 🙂 it will be interesting read this..but I need to see some consistency..there is so much in common between the two of us that it’s beyond funny but plain freaky!!

    @ Satish kaka
    I would love read your stories..you perfectly fit the “interesting story teller grand dad” role.

    • rajeevelkunchwar Says:

      Thanks. I was wondering whether you are aware of this blog. Critique is always desirable, in any shape or size to keep you going.

  8. saee Says:

    Interesting post. I never knew writers needed so much peace and calm to write!!
    For me “actual writing” is a ten minute job. The thinking that goes behind it goes on for days. On the bus, in the train, between experiments. 🙂
    One day there is this “nucleation” process in my head. Where a little grain of something is dropped into my thoughts and the whole post crystallizes out like sugar. 🙂
    In any case, I guess as long as you write it does not matter what makes you write. 🙂

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